Archibald Benoit is a cock

During a quiet moment in his work as a Births and Deaths Registrar, Archibald Benoit accidentally turned to his computer, and googled his name. Archibald kept a fairly low profile, though not by design. He was relatively well known within his village, but the internet was a new window of experience for Archibald, and so he did not expect to be overwhelmed by search hits.

The first hit was a link to the local government website, stating in a matter-of-fact manner his job-title and phone number. The second hit, satisfyingly, was the results page of a local charity run in which Archibald had raced.

The third hit was the one. Right there, in front of Archibald's very eyes, sat the sentence ‘Archibald Benoit is a cock.’ His heart quickened at the sight of this affront. Surely he had misread it? No, There it was in black and white and blue: ‘Archibald Benoit is a cock.’

Archibald clicked aggressively on the link. It took him to a blog by the name of And Figs Might Leaf. Archie scrolled down the page in search of the reference, and found it under the date of July 21^st 2009. No accompanying text, no explanation, and (Archie spent some time surveying the rest of the blog) no further mention of himself. The author used the pen-name Xianjon. This name meant nothing to Archibald. ‘Who could this person be? What on earth could he be holding against me?’ worried Archie.

Archibald slept fitfully. The following day was Saturday. Unable to concentrate on the newspaper as usual, Archie brooded on this ridiculous slur. He was a quiet and gentle man. He hadn't many friends, that's true, but he had never had an enemy. He was always kind and considerate, and always professional in his work. Why anybody would want to defame him in this manner was a mystery. He had never broken anybody's heart, never double-crossed anybody, never even bullied anybody as a child. Really - Archibald could not perceive why anybody would think him a cock.

On Sunday, during Mass, a thought occurred to Archibald for the first time: 'What if I am not the only Archibald Benoit in the world? Sure enough, it's an unusual name, but it is not beyond the reach of possibility that I may have a doppelganger.'

Yes. That must be it, concluded Benoit, there must be another Archibald Benoit in the world. And he must be an odious individual.

Set at ease by this realisation, Archibald had to wait until Monday to confirm his suspicion (he didn't have a computer at his home). He arrived at work 25 minutes early, and before even taking off his coat, he logged on, and his index fingers once again poked the words “Archibald Benoit” into the search box. It was on page 2 of results that Archie found what he was looking for. There was indeed another Archibald Benoit.

Born in Limoges, France in 1970, he trained as a doctor at the University of Paris V before setting up his own private practice in 1996. A keen runner, this Archibald had won a number of long-distance races nationally, raising over €20,000 for heart-disease charities in the process. In 1999, this Archibald left his practice in Paris to provide aid in Kosovo as a doctor for the organisation Medicins Sans Frontieres. Through his work in Kosovo, and later Sudan, this Archibald was awarded the Legion d'Honneur - the greatest honour which can be bestowed to a Frenchman. Now, this Archibald is happily married with three children. He continues to raise money for charity, and in his spare time, he works with the homeless.

Archibald Benoit sat back in his chair, his mouth open, and his eyes hooded. As he reclined he let out a sigh. 'This is it then,' he considered, ‘There can be no other explanation: I am a cock.’